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Six small tools, for the houses.

Started on a Friday night at Columbia House. Free. Open. The kind of thing a friend would build for you if a friend had the time. Each tool below is sized to one specific recurring friction inside the seven Cohab houses. None of them are products. They are not for sale. They are not for anyone outside this house. If you live in a Cohab and want one, send a note.

• 1480 Field Guide (and 1305, and 216 T, and every other door)

  live

  For: everyone. Especially the new arrivals.

  "the costco fund · drop coins · we replace ink." Cream paper. Cormorant Garamond title. Five copies, $1.25 each at FedEx Kinkos on 14th & U.

• The Sunday-dinner co-pilot

  draft

  For: Malcolm, and whoever hosts after him.

  A shared sheet that auto-sums per-person Costco totals, drops Venmo links by name, prints one page you carry into the warehouse, and maintains the dinner-rotation memory — who hosted when, what we ate, who's allergic to what. Sends one text at 5:55pm: "come help cook." The host stops being the spreadsheet.

  Built around Malcolm's existing thread. Uses Google Sheets + Apps Script. No new account required.

• Mahjong night, real this month

  in flight

  For: Alden, who has petitioned three times.

  A small booker that picks one of the four mahjong tables in the city, writes the invite that doesn't sound like a petition this time, sends it to the people most likely to say yes, handles headcount, and pays for the first round of dumplings at Lucky Danger after. Calm covers up to $200.

  Currently a draft email + a spreadsheet of who said yes to picnic-day. Will be a real-night within 14 days of launch.

• The courtyard-music surface

  draft

  For: Ivan, who went to Royksopp alone.

  A small private surface where one resident picks the night, picks the set, the house books the room (or sets up the courtyard speakers), buys the first round, and posts the photo dump after. One night a month. Music decided by whoever asked. First round on Calm.

  "One word for the vibe is fine. 'Royksopp.' 'Bossa.' 'Reggaeton.' 'Bach.' We'll match the room to the word."

• The event-architect's one-pager

  draft

  For: Marisa, who has been doing this job for free.

  A small page that auto-drafts the poll, runs the RSVP math, sends the Day-Before nudge, gathers the photo-dump after, and credits whoever co-hosted. The Shakespeare-tickets campaign would have taken eight minutes instead of an evening.

  Up to $200 of Calm compute on the first build. Yours by Friday.

• The lost-key cabinet hook

  shipping

  A $15 self-adhesive four-hook organizer for keys. Installed on the inside of one specific unit's front door. With it: a hand-printed card — "your home-key, on your door. signed: every neighbor who's ever let you in at 4am."

  Physical, not software. Saturday delivery. Calm covers the $15. Card is hand-printed in pen.

None of these are products. They are not for sale. If you live in a Cohab and want one, send a note — +1 (202) 500-1480.